DespOration

My lack of expertise in probably the simplest form of social interaction has beaten me down to my knees. Why am I always constantly in this internal whirlpool of emotions that I cover up with some douchey behaviour that was actually provoking some agitation in the crowd. In my defense, I was trying to bring laughter to the room but I unknowingly started behaving like a total douchebag.

Really, I think I was trying too hard to be something I'm not. I was desperate for friends. But when have I ever cared about that. Okay, actually I haven't found people whom I can comfortably open up to. And to be honest, it gets pretty lonely no matter how self-sufficient and independent I want to be. Lol. It's true though.

But I think tonight was a lesson to be learnt that I should not have to put in so much effort into getting people to like me. I just have to relax and stay calm and really just be who I truly am. And if they like me, they'll talk but if they don't then it's fine.

I already know this yet, I behaved that way. See what desperation can do to you sometimes.

Desperation is not necessarily all bad. Apart from maybe not using it in the area of making friends, perhaps I could use it in other areas. And I'll let you figure out in which area of your life, desperation can be useful. Lol.