Nobody

Why dont ppl want me man?

I nearly thought I finally found help. like Help legitimately found me. 

Dreamt of my ex trainer. And I dreamnt that I was making her laugh. like it was so effortless. And it made me feel all so relieved. Because to be honest despite the shitty working environment, she was a friend to me at some point. I cant brush it aside. Its why Im bad. Its cos I just cant stay for anyone. If I gotta leave, thats exactly what I gotta do.

Its difficult to make anyone see where Im coming from. And it just comes off as ungrateful or self sabotagery, both of which doesnt sit well with why I left. And then you could also argue the fact that my huge ego is preventing me from admitting it. And Im not gonna lie, I did consider this point. But Im typing this now at 6am, awake from a dream I had of making her laugh. And I can tell you, its not the ego man. but whatever.

Im learning slowly to stop explaining myself and let people just think whatever they want. Because before I met my best friend, who taught me to be vocal and to speak up for myself, I always believed from young that I dont gotta constantly defend myself if I've already said my truth. Cos even if people create fucking fake news about me, the truth never changes. Thats what I always believed back when I thought God was around. And that was why every time I felt so misunderstood by people, after trying once or thrice, I just let it fucking be. lmfao. And trust me the first, second and third time I was explaining myself, I tried every way for people to get it. But, they just dont.

My heart feels broken and it's never even been in a relationship. HAHA Happy advanced fucking valentines to me Man. 

Life sucks.

Yours Truly,

Death.