Fill it up

Whatever you read might sound like excuses for myself but just...

I can see the look in people's eyes, the look that tells me "yes, this person really wants to help me." Sometimes I give into them, sometimes I dont.

I have been arrogant I have been ignorant,  ....  I still am. I honestly dont know why I am the way I am. It could be because I was pampered alot. But for the people I care, I wish to change in the best way I can.

I am incredibly unbelievable.

Despite the preachings, teachings, scoldings, hittings, I have not learnt. Understand that all this should not affect you.

You all may have achieved the level of maturity. But I havent, I probably have a longer way to go. But trust you all will be a form of guidance through memories, quality time spent together.
I try to carry everything with me till I die.

And I have a difficulty of showing the same kind of care all of you show me, I always feel like I dont deserve it. When its there, i push it. When its not, i search. And when its there again, i push it away.

To the same person, who shared with me how they cant show love through actions. You have done it! Ask yourself why??? You all showed me kindness. You are the better person. Know that Im thankful for the help. I apologise for not showing it through my action. It is a weakness of mine.

I havent learn anything despite the many rounds of torturing myself with thoughts, assumptions of what bad could happen instead of having faith and patience in a relationship that may have a good outcome of it.

Forgive yourself now for the ties you broke because you were hurting them or because you only cared about yourself.

Remind myself, 'you are not perfect therefore, stay humble and all of us are humans, whether stronger or weaker... See every one as an equal and sure enough you will start to listen and establish the right link with people who impacted u so much to point you are achieving so much at this point'