Silent Fade Aways

I trust people I can’t trust. And do for them the things I can’t do for myself. If you wanted to win a Halloween Costume Contest, dressing as me could land you somewhere in top 3. Haaaaa MAMA I’m TRYING but I CANT DO IT! I’m in pain bitch. I’m in pain.

Everyone thinks I should shut up and listen to them. I’m tired of being controlled. Why am I still typing. It’s because I’m still fucking breathing. I still got a pulse and I’m treated like I’m dead. They tell me to go to them when I needed someone. They told me they’d be there. They told me they’d never hurt me. But they do all of that to me. And they blame me for having trust issues.

Am I crying cos I’m manipulating people to show me sympathy and into giving me what I need. Have I really turned narcissistic and manipulative? I’m in pain. Stop hurting me, world. And to my brain, fuck you, get on my fucking side.

What in the world is happening to me? If I’m dying, pls don’t torture me in the afterlife. I’m tired of beating myself up for everyone else. I’m a literal human carpet for people to walk over. Thank you blog for listening to me yet again. I’m a lost cause. 

There isn’t a conclusion to this entry because it’s an ongoing issue for me. I’m a pack of wet wipes used to wipe an ass after they shit on me.

I’ll never have anyone to understand me because I’m incredibly hard to accept even my therapist couldn’t stay for me. People leave me when I get to an amount no one can handle. And I blow up so often, I feel like a lonely active volcano who needs a dormant volcano who’d accept me. But which fairytale is that.

Stop giving me a sad story. I make the first move. I serenade with love. I create the sentiments. I choose them. And in return, they reject me. I’m a pile of clothing that gets thrown in the fitting room after they’ve been tried on. 

Why am I not worthwhile and why do I have to still convince myself otherwise? Why do I have to believe like I get a happy ending. When law of attraction always served my catastrophic mind instead of attending to the heart that is in constant yearning to feel accepted and loved. 

It’s not easy. Love is not simple. And people want simple now. Hence I’m nvr on trend.