Accept it

Why does it still feel like everything i do for ppl is for nothing. haha

i expect too much. i expect too much from the impossible.

that people dun ever do fall in love with u(me). the narcisstic me wans ppl to fall in love with me. 

bahaha who gave me such an authority to feel that way. it REDONKULOUS.

well, i hurt people. cos i think they dont know how badly i feel on the inside. and even if they do, it doesnt change how i express love to people. 

it doesnt matter my story. i am who i am right now, n i still dont know how im gonna change. 

cos change is hard, especially when ur a 100% uncertain of how you'll be able to deal with the things that come after.

people are habitual. me incredibly more so to a point, its almost abnormal to tweak a little.

these are not reasons. these are words. an expression of total lack of control for what comes next.

my need for searching for a new therapist died in my hands. and i washed it down the sink to the ocean where it belongs. cos it shall not be a need but a want. i want to want to go for therapy.

till then i'll try to be friends with my condition. i promised to be better. i will get better. eventually.