I missed Me

 Help

Omg I am stopping all these biblical posts I have been typing.

There is nothing wise in an empty-minded, lost soul like me. And that is okay. What's not okay is people telling me I shouldn't be okay. Because I should be chasing after things a normal person should. I will be the experiment for success. I will try everything and if I dont make it, that is all my life is for.

Will I be able to pull through what I just typed out above, or will I chicken out, like all the rest of the times I've chickened out. Can I stop chickening. It oh so sickening.

I wanna be part of disney. I wanna be part of cw series. I wanna be part of the things I love. When will my wishes come true?

When will I be happy? When will I stop yearning? I am crying, I am on my knees, I have no more hope that there is anything else that could make me happy. I wanna be happy with me.

I want to not depend on anyone but me.

Will you not grant me that?

Will you not grant these simple wishes of mine?

Or am I just not good enough?

Give me a sign so I know where the fuck I should put my heart at? Cos these tears are falling and I'm in the same single spot I was from the start.

Is no one there?

Am I left with me?

Then, please grant them. Don't leave me here... living. The least you could do is take away my pulse.

Every puff I take from my inhaler is a wish that it won't work, and that I would die. But I'm still alive, struggling to breathe, but with a pulse indeed.

Is no one there, Am I left with me.

Grant me my last wishes. Or end me please.

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Life stings

I know I shouldnt be the one crying cos I dont have it worst. But all I ever do is cry. And when I dont cry, Im upset about literally everything. Honestly, I dont even think it's even possible for me to be satisfied at all. 

But it hurts to breathe. I hate it here. Why am I like this. Its oh so sickening. Whats pretty that I could look forward to? Things that distract me need money. And people, they all just think about themselves.

Its the same narration every single day. I know it bores all you readers out there but it doesnt make them all any less true.

The skin underneathe my eye hurts cos I've been vigorously wiping my tears away so no one would fucking watch. But yeah, the skin stings right about now. Not as much as life though. 

I wish there were 2 of me so the other me could shield me when Im crying or just simply take over when Im down. omg, what is wrong with me..

I hate it here. i really do.

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God, Im ready to go to hell

Redemption is hard.

I hate having to do good things.

Can I go back to hell now

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