Title explains why Im here. Erm, I feel like I have a whole bundle of bad years just adding up to each other as I transit from 1 year to the next. I feel incredibly demotivated, extremely dead and since the moment I was brought to this world, I was meant to cease my existance.
To be honest, I feel like everyone around me is lying. About how they're doing. But back to me, I really dont wish to live anymore. How do people get up from bed. The only reason why I got up was because my room doesnt have any curtains and I hate the sun. its just so bright, and warm and bright. The sun pisses me off alot of times.
But you know whats worse than the sun? Having to breathe, having to realise you still have a pulse despite how clogged your arteries are due to the lack of fucks given to one's diet. And yeah Im talking about my arteries. I mean what is the point of feeling so damn fucking hungry and still look fat every single day.
I cant accept my body because it's a disease. It is an unhealthy body type that should cease to exist but somehow, hey there Im here. still here. still. fucking. here.
The world should have ended. And if it doesnt, the thousands of times I dont look before crossing the road should have fucking killed me. And yeah, Im fucking brazen about this, cos no one GIVES A FUCK when they mindlessly say they wanna die. I get to be fucking brazen and vocal about it here even though Im a fucking coward, and honestly the only courage I ever need is the courage to end me. BUT BUT i get to be vocal here WHY WHY because I always try so damn hard not to say I want to die. just to make people feel less like me and more like them. Its annoying.
Its annoying cos number: 1 I cant do it at home. I have a fucking dad who has major depressive disorder and a mum who is prone to getting stroke. I cant do it outside cos hello? nobody likes Negative Nancy. So fuck yall. Fuck all of you, I would be eternally grateful if someone puts rat poison in my drink. but nooooooo.. "you cant die before me." No YOU CANT DIE BEFORE ME. What, you get to rub it in my face. WHAT? WHAT IS SO FUCKING AMAZING ABOUT DYING BEFORE ME.
Literally, death will make me happy. just death.
And I know for all you readers out there reading this. You must be thinking, wtf this ungrateful bitch.
Yes, Im ungrateful for breathing. Im ungrateful for it. Punish me, end me.
